Category — Today

It’s four o’clock on a Sunday afternoon in November. My iPod is shuffling a genius playlist that began with A Fine Frenzy, and the fall candles are burning, filling our new home with a warm spicy feeling. The TV is off, the floors are clean, and the oven is cooking our dinner. Sleeping on my chest, wrapped tightly against my body with the mei tai, is this most perfect thing in the world.

I’m so excited about the direction in which our life is headed. Things are happening, good things that can’t be dulled by the not-so-good things. So many times lately I’ve had to stop myself from crying tears of happiness. I can be in the bathroom drying my hair, or driving to the grocery store, and I just get overwhelmed by this feeling of perfect, the overwhelming beauty of life. And it all started with this perfect boy.

Hey! Remember when I had that baby? Seven weeks and 1 day ago? And I said that I was working on the birth story? Heh. So here’s what happened: I wasn’t. Those first weeks, it was just too hard. I couldn’t tell the story, or even think too much about it, without crying. I was a mess, and thinking back on it now, I’m not even sure I remember why I felt the way that I did.

I didn’t want to write at all, because what I was supposed to share was the birth story that I never got around to writing. I’m still trying to write it, but my problem now more motivational than emotional. I’m promising myself that I’ll finish it, but I really wish I could have done it weeks ago when it was fresh and raw.

So anyway, I didn’t write. I hardly ever even turned on my computer. I committed to things and people and never followed through. But I’m challenging myself now, because if I don’t I’m afraid I’ll never be able to write, to come back to this.

Here are the things you’ve missed. The things I meant to write about but never did for whatever reason, anyway. I want to share all of this. I will.

1. We sold our house.

2. We moved in with Mark’s parents

….a. For 4 months.

3. We bought a house.

4. I gave birth. (coughUNTOLDBIRTHSTORYcough)

….a. And became a mom.

……..i. Nobody talks about how hard this really is. HOLYCRAP WHY?

5. OMG THRUSH.

6. We moved into the house.

….a. Boxes. So many boxes. Still.

7. I turned 30. (I love 30).

8. Asher got a fever, which freaked me the hell out.

….a. Pediatrician, hospital, blood culture.

….b. On my birthday.

……..i. He’s fine now, almost back to himself.

Oh, there’s more, but that’s all I’m going to commit to tonight. Baby steps, people. GET OFF MY BACK. Also, I’m too busy staring at this picture to focus. But I’ll be back, I promise.

Asher, 7 weeks old. NOM.

With his special lady friend Ivy, also 7 weeks old. Won’t it be cute to show this photo at their wedding?

photos by Beth at Beth Fletcher Photography

We’re finding our way back to normal, or maybe closer to a new normal, bit by bit.

Last night Asher and I snuck out for a few hours for some much-needed girl time with Steph, Arianne and Beth. Why did I need this? For the unbelievable love and support these women give to me; they make me strong, they tell me that I can do this, that everything I’m thinking and feeling and experiencing is normal. Motherhood is hard, new motherhood is so hard. Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else.

The best part of the night was the introduction of Asher and Ivy, Steph’s daughter. Steph and I shared our pregnancies, and our due dates, and have been anxiously awaiting the moment when we could share our babies. One day they’ll be married, we’ve decided.

Steph got it on video: Asher and Ivy’s first meeting.