One
Today is his birthday.
One whole year has passed, and I’m still drunk with love every time I look at him, smell him, touch him, drink him up. He’s all eyelashes and fuzzy butter-soft skin, contented smiles and feet and hands on my breast when he feeds. I can’t remember how I breathed before him.
I wish I had documented it better, every day of our lives together, because it’s so hard for me to believe that it really happened. Smiles and teeth and claps and baby steps and first words and holy hell, where does the time go?
I’m not the same person I was a year ago. Everything is different, easier and harder. Fifty pounds smaller on the outside, and fifty pounds heavier on the inside, right up top under my ribcage. I’m happier and and richer and poorer and so much more exhausted. I have a child and I feel like a child, I’m all grown up and responsible and clueless. I have a purpose and a reason, but less direction. I’m thirsty and I’m full. Everything is different and I don’t know where it’s going or where I’m going, but I know that it’s all for him, for our family. I’ll figure it out, I’m figuring it out as I go one step at a time. I’m not the same person I was a year ago.
I’m his mama.
I remember every time he wakes up from a deep sleep and cries out for me, for comfort and a snuggle. I remember every time he turns around and stops what he’s doing to smile at me, just to make sure I’m still here. He makes me sing and he makes me dance and he throws his head back when I dip him. He’s my baby, my big boy, my handsome lovie.
34 comments
so very sweet momma…
I can’t believe we have had this handsome, adorable, loving boy in this world for a whole year now. Asher is amazing as are you!
Happy Birthday Asher!
I hope you all have a wonderful day celebrating.
hugs and kisses to all of you!
~CE
Tears, Sarah. You are an amazing mama. Your love and light reflect in him so much, and I count my blessings that I’m lucky enough to know the both of you.
Love to you AND Asher today!
awe! this is a beautiful post…happy birthday Asher!
A very big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Asher!!
Happy Birthday, Asher!! Your baby boy is as amazing as that mesmerizing smile he flashes!
Happy Birthday, Asher! He’s absolutely adorable and I’m so happy you let me steal him for a few minutes at Blogher…even though you’d only just met me and I had the crazy “let me love on your baby” look in my eye.
Oh, he is just the sweetest little man that has captured my heart! Happy Birthday Asher, you are so blessed with such a rock star mama! Sarah- this post was beautiful, and so deeply true. I loved it.
Happy birthday to the man, the myth, the legend…
much love. xoxo
Oh Sarah. I’m all weepy and sniffly over here, and I am an ugly crier. Oof. What a beautiful post from one amazing momma.
Happy Birthday, Asher!!!
and happy “birth” day, momma!
Happy Birthday to your darling boy! : )
What a sweetie!! Gorgeous! Happy Birthday!
I don’t even know how to take Asher turning one, I really don’t. I have thought about it sixty million times, not just today but the days leading up to this day of celebrating this shining light in our lives.
I just want to thank you for sharing his love. I FEEL his love, I KNOW his love and I KNOW I’ll feel it for a very long time. And I’ll give it right back to him.
He is special. Just like his Mom.
I love this post!
This is darling. It goes so fast. And I totally had those purple mouth moments with my little one. I laughed when I saw that photo. Happy birthday to Asher and congrats to you, mama, for doing an awesome job!
Happy Belated birthday Asher. And many many more!
Very, very sweet. Happy Birthday to your big boy! Parenthood is a huge change, isn’t it?
Happy Birthday, Ash Man. Can I call you Ash Man?
Sarah, what you said about how this has changed you, about motherhood…holy cows, lady. Beautiful. Perfect.
Happy belated birthday, Asher. You are amazing and beautiful and SO very sweet. I’m so glad I’ve had the chance to see and hold you and take in all the wonderfulness you are.
Sarah, you are an amazingly beautiful mother, and Asher is so very lucky to have you. It gets even better, I promise!
I recognize that violet gentian face. He is so sweet. Happy birthday to him.
Nell
beautifully written! Almost as beautiful as that smile on that baby boy!! Happy one year Asher!
In the picture by the railing he looks like a mini me of your dad! He’s so precious!
This is just so sweet and beautiful. I still just want to kiss him up!
Such a touching post! Asher is the cutest little guy. Happy Belated 1st year Asher….
happy belated birthday, asher!
my uterus is simultaneously weeping and panting at those pictures. SO DARLINGLY DARLING.
Sarah this is so so beautiful.
I love him, I hope he had the bestest birthday ever.
Love the genetian violet pic, I have a few of those too.
Love the way you wrote this! And … Damien Rice is fracking amazing.
I love you and your taste.
That’s all.
Aw – what a sweet baby boy! It’s amazing how fast that first year grows!
By the way, I’m looking forward to meeting you at Cupcake ‘10!
I love how you put this post together. Beautiful.
Sadie at heymamas
It’s hard to remember life before huh? Wonderful meeting you at Blissdom this year!
Kas
is that a gentian violet mouth i spied? too sweet!
happy birthday, little guy!
I just loved this post, and your little man is adorable. I have a little boy in his first year too, and wow, what a year. I am probably going to explode with emotion on his first birthday.
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